"Who Pays on a Date Now: Whoever Did the Asking"

"Who Pays on a Date Now: Whoever Did the Asking"

A majority still say the man should pay, yet nearly as many back a second rule etiquette experts have long favored, one that asks something simpler and kinder of everyone.

Sora Mendes

A man and a woman sitting across a small table with glasses of wine, no bill in frame and no clearly identifiable faces, for the piece on who pays on a date and the inviter-pays rule

Photo BehindTheTmuna / Unsplash

A majority of Americans still say the man should pay on a first date, 72 percent in a NerdWallet survey of 2,061 adults, but nearly as many back a tidier rule: whoever did the asking pays. And the gender split flips, women favor the inviter rule (77 percent) more than men do (52 percent).

The etiquette expert Diane Gottsman puts it plainly: the person who extends the invitation pays and tips. It hands both people a script before the check lands, so nobody has to perform the reach or read the other's face for permission. With the average date now running 189 dollars, a rule that assigns the cost fairly matters more, not less.

So do the asking, then do the paying, or say plainly you would rather split. Either way, name it first.